Category Archives: Tesla Model Y

When journalists smoke crack, vol 2382

First — Autocar writes an article consisting entirely of stale crumbs about Tesla’s plans to build a small crossover based on the new Model III platform. It throws in a Model Y rendering that looks like a Porsche Macan. Neither the rendering nor the article deserves a single minute of attention.

Then — Claudia Assis from MarketWatch, who has covered Tesla long enough to know better, pretends the Autocar article is some sort of confirmation that Model Y is coming next year. She writes her own rehash of the source piece, and an editor slaps on a nifty headline about Model Y coming next year. So today we were served two hamburgers containing 100% Hamburger Helper.

And yet — TSLA jumps a few percentage points on the mere mention of an inexpensive crossover, so hot is the segment and so ignorant is the layman investor about Tesla’s long-discussed master plan.

Result — Tesla gains market cap because everyone is stupid. Anton Wahlman, a bumbling TSLA short who would happily write about Elon Musk kicking his cat if he could just get a good hidden video, figured out that today’s TSLA bump hasn’t a toe in reality, assuming the bump came from Model Y speculation. The day has finally come when Wahlman made a non-absurd observation.

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Why rush Model III? Because Model Y awaits.

The US is going cuckoo for crossovers just as Tesla tools up for a sedan. In fact, we’re in a “sedan recession.” Of course, the Model III preorders bespeak very strong interest in this particular sedan, but imagine if a similarly-priced Tesla crossover were also available for pre-orders. Which would have more pre-orders right now? How about in 2020? This consumer shift to wee-beastie SUVs isn’t letting up. Toyota thinks the RAV will soon outsell the Camry, the stalwart of what Bloomberg calls a “diminishing family sedan market.” Honda can’t make enough HR-Vs.

Marchionne Godfather TeslaMondo

Ti piacciono i Jeep? Grazie a Dio!

Don Corleone Marchionne is making America an offer it can’t refuse. The Jeep Renegade is so hot that it’s making up for the Chrysler 200, which is stinking up the joint like a decapitated horse. If bumbling Marchionne, whose companies offer the worst customer experience and rotten product reliability across the board, can still benefit from compact SUVs, it’s truly a can’t-miss segment.

Unless you miss the segment entirely. So come on, Model Y. TeslaMondo wants to see Marchionne develop some serious agita and start pacing around, gesturing with his hands in proper Italian fashion.

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A Model III, Y, or H?

Screen Shot 2016-03-16 at 9.58.00 AM.png

H for hoax, that is. The image was allegedly “leaked” from within Tesla. If anything, this fits the description of the Y, which is the “more adventurous” falcon-winged crossover based on the new platform. Could any production vehicle have such an extreme ratio of greenhouse to pillar? Doubt it.

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