Category Archives: Norway

Europe: The Final Countdown

Europe Final Countdown TeslaMondoIf it’s true that Norway is going to ban gas cars by 2025, and The Netherlands is likely to do the same, this may spread throughout the continent. The final countdown may have begun for the ICE in Europe. If so, this means the impossible has happened.

It means 80s heavy metal is finally, after three decades, showing some redeeming social value, for a frizz metal band called Europe predicted a final countdown.

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Headline translates to “Arduous fretwork and histrionic vocals. Long live the 80s.”

Musk tinkled and tweeted with glee about this rumor.

Mind you, this is just the latest 80s metal association with Tesla.* The company, of course, shares its name with an 80s metal band. Moreover, a new metal group called Raptor Command just released a gawdawful tribute song to Elon Musk. Where’s the connection to the 80s? Maxxxwell Carlisle of Raptor Command (yes, triple-X in the name), is also a member of Hellion. Well, back in the 80s, when Carlisle was toilet training, there was another metal band named Hellion, which was unoriginally named after the opening instrumental in Judas Priest’s 1982 Screaming For Vengeance album. (Incidentally, that instrumental was employed in this Honda Odyssey commercial.)

If our world is indeed a computer simulation, as Musk suspects, it seems the Tesla Motors story is inexplicably backed by HM midi files. Strange, because Kraftwerk’s Autobahn would seem a natural choice for, say, background tunage during Model III’s second unveiling — excepting the engine sound effects, of course. Ya know, maybe music and Tesla Motors just don’t go together.

Tesla rock band TeslaMondo

*The connection is dubious at best, but that’s good enough for TeslaMondo on a boring Friday. Just go along with it and stop complaining.


Mystifying mysteries* abound

Mystery 1: The Norway fire started not with the Supercharger but within the car, which had just changed ownership two days prior. Since the car was just about cremated in the fire, it seems unlikely we’ll ever find out what happened. Did it have the titanium shield? Or could an earlier debris strike have lit the fuse? Or was it a torch job by someone attempting insurance fraud? Do they have insurance fraud anywhere except the US?

Mystery 2: The Model X delay — well, one of them — traces to a slapdash German supplier who talked a good game about building falcon wing doors but couldn’t deliver. The mystery, then, is how Tesla will avoid this very pitfall as the high-stakes Model III moves to the fore. These specialty suppliers must know Tesla is under immense time pressure. Some of them will probably play hardball at the 11th hour.

Mystery 3: Why would auto dealers bother trying to tell the FTC that Tesla’s factory-direct sales model hurts consumers while consumer advocates, including the FTC itself, say the opposite? Wouldn’t it make sense to find another angle of attack? How about the fact that mall shoppers heading to the Tesla store could encounter aggressive kiosk operators and end up buying an $80 bottle of hand cream, or a yapping robot dog that does backflips?

Mystery 4: Will high-end car buyers cancel their Tesla orders for fear we’re entering another great recession?

*The worst kind!

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Gaining in Europe, but TOO big in Norway?

The Model S is outselling the far cheaper Nissan Leaf in northern Europe. That’s good. But it’s so popular in Norway — due in large part to government EV incentives — that some people are wishin’ they had Model S repellant spray. That’s bad. Electric cars get lots of perks in Norway: tax exemptions, free charging, and legal use of bus travel lanes. Well, the bus drivers don’t like that. Buses now have competing traffic from EV drivers. That makes bus riders tempted to forget about public transport and buy an EV for themselves, adding to the logjam. Norway’s original plan was to reassess its aggressive EV incentives in 2017 or when the EV population hits 50,000, but that 50k number will come in early 2015. Just how popular is the Model S in Norway? Here’s a video glimpse.

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Model S ubiquity in Norway. Man!

How popular is the Model S in Norway? Here’s a man-in-the-street observation for ya. Click image for video.

Telsas in Norway TeslaMondo

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A word from Neuman Securities

Tesla earnings due May 7, 2014 Yesterday a lot of Nervous Nellies grabbed their smartphones, ran to the toilet and unloaded a bunch of stuff at once, including their shares of TSLA. All because Tesla’s deliveries to Norway inexplicably and dramatically dropped, according to a trader writing on Seeking Alpha. This implies demand has inexplicably and dramatically dropped, which implies the same thing will happen elsewhere, which implies Tesla’s international expansion is a mere carnival tour, with Musk barking “Step right up, folks” for a few days, then pulling up the tent stakes and moving on before people start calling the police. Eventually Tesla runs out of locales and goes back to chicken farming.

Flussshhhhhhhh . . .

No worries here. Supply constraint does funny things to delivery rates as a company tries to appease different markets. Delivery is bound to be erratic regardless of demand. Trying to dissect Tesla’s global delivery pattern is like trying to unscramble scrambled eggs. Give it up already.

Anyone who doubts Tesla’s permanence in the marketplace should visit The Erotic Salon of Los Angeles. It was formed in February and goes by TESLA. You know a car company has staying power the world over when its name leads the mind “down there.” Just imagine what Tesla will do to sex culture when it expands in Thailand. A Thai hot spice already bears the name.

Nookie and hot spices today, world domination tomorrow.

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