Category Archives: Media

When journalists smoke crack . . .

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After looking closely at those news tidbits, we’re left with this interpretation:

While Chinese President Xi Jinping is here visiting Obama, Tesla will feverishly try to sell as many vehicals on Jinping’s home turf before he returns home and puts an end to the frolic. Meanwhile, Tesla is working on that batter factory in Nevada. Those vehical parts must stick together using some really gooey batter. Which vehicals? Must be those fancy ones that cost at least $132,000. And are made of carbon fiber.

Strange days indeed.

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Bidness Etc. gaffe rivals 60 Minutes

Tesla nickel demand TeslaMondoRemember when 60 Minutes dubbed revvy engine sounds into its piece on Tesla? It suggested that those 60 Minutes guys know nothing about cars. Well, this morning Bidness Etc. has joined the dope-a-thon by confusing the Model S with an old BMW 5-Series.

Meanwhile, the web is crawling with articles about Tesla’s plans to pay $25/hr at the Gigafactory — all of these stories stemming from a report in the Reno Gazette-Journal. Tesla says the report is false, though the company’s denial borders on non-denial denial. A few months ago, the same paper briefly misled everyone about an alleged Gigafactory construction shutdown/delay.

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Bloomberg assumes Chinese drive “clunkers”

China trade-ins TeslaMondoTesla is working with third-party used car brokers in China to ensure Chinese customers can trade their cars for credit toward a Model S. This sounds like Tesla’s AutoNation relationship here at home. It’s not big news.

The real news is that Bloomberg assumes Chinese people drive shitboxes. Look at the video title. And listen to the comment from Bloomberg’s Olivia Sterns at 0:37. She says, “I’m not too familiar with the used car market in China, but I’m pretty sure that most people’s trade-in cars are not really going to make a dent into the 100k price tag of a Model S.” Then the dude chimes in with, “If you can tow it, push it, drag it onto the lot, we will take it for five hundred dollars.”

If they made such an assumption about your home state, how would you feel? Probably offended. China should feel the same way. Watch the video before it gets pulled, and make a mental note of Bloomberg’s attitude toward the world’s biggest auto market. People who can afford a Model S are wealthy and probably drive pretty nice cars already. That’s the prevailing assumption — and a very sound one — here in the US. Shouldn’t it apply to China too? Apparently not.

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Fox panelists think Tesla “raised incentives”

Fox Business TeslaMondoWhat incentives? Nobody specifies. Presumably they’re talking about the new, lower lease payments — something already debunked by Musk via Twitter. In any event, these alleged discounting measures by Tesla indicate, to some of the panelists, that Tesla must have a demand problem. Oh Rupert! Click image for video.US Bank Lease TeslaMondo

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Good news, bad coverage

Elon Musk name Telo NASDAQThis month marks the fourth anniversary of Tesla’s IPO. Yay! But NASDAQ’s website today refers to the Tesla CEO as “Telo” Musk. Boo! But there’s more. Click the graphic to watch a video and hear the gal pronounce it the same way — “Telo Musk.” Seems the Tesla CEO isn’t quite a household name yet, even at NASDAQ. Well, at least the news is good. Tesla is serving up a platter of subtle improvements to the Model S. Telo says he wants the Model S to be one of the few products in our lives that bring us joy. A year from now, when the Model X launches, we’re expecting joy squared thanks to Telo and his raw enthusiasm for the electric automobile and personal pride as product architect.

 

False headlines about Tesla in NJMore good news: The state of New Jersey looks like it might return to the 21st Century, as a pro-Tesla bill clears a committee on the way to a Senate vote. But wait — it has already cleared all hurdles and is now law, according to a rotting corner of the blogosphere. Maybe the 21st Century isn’t so good after all, at least for journalism.

 

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Move over Elon — here comes Iggy

Visionary engineer Azalea on TeslaMondo

Visionary engineer Azalea

TeslaMondo has already compiled hypervigilant headlines that warn Tesla to “move over” or “watch out” for encroaching competition. Unfortunately, it’s time for TeslaMondo to join the chorus and advise Musk to watch his ass. This time it’s about the Hyperloop. Although the Hyperloop is still just a concept, it exemplifies Musk’s conceptual wizardry. Well, it’s about to be upstaged by an engineering concept much more profound — something that makes Musk’s idea seem quite unremarkable by comparison. Rap star Iggy Azalea, a newcomer to civil engineering, conceives of a high-speed underwater highway from the United States to Japan. Her firm, Azalea Strong Solutions, will reveal details at a press conference, but she teasingly refers to it in her hit song “Fancy.” It’s called the Fast Lane, and it connects LA to Tokyo via the Pacific Ocean. An except from the song:

“I’m so fancy. You already know. I’m in the fast lane. From LA to Tokyo.”

Watch out, Elon. We’ve got your back. Surely her entourage is attending to hers.

LA to Tokyo on TeslaMondo

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Shareholder meeting: takeaways

Tesla shareholder meeting takeaways

Takeaway number 5.

1. Panasonic has shed its skepticism about whether the Gigafactory can shave 30% from battery costs. Musk reiterated his confidence about that number.

2. Musk will reassess his role as Tesla CEO in four to five years, after the high-volume car reaches production. TeslaMondo predicted last month that Musk will leave Tesla and focus on his Mars ambitions.

3. Tesla deliberately tried to make its model lineup read “S” “E” “X” until Ford ruined the “E” with a trademark challenge, thereby “killing sex,” as Musk put it.

4. The company still aims to break ground on up to three Gigafactory sites this month, and then choose one winning site by year’s end.

5. Business Insider misinterpreted Musk as saying he’s delaying groundbreaking until year’s end. Soon after a reader comment blew the whistle on the error, the story was yanked, but ghosts of it remain online.

6. Musk is planning an announcement related to company patents. TeslaMondo predicts it will involve making its superchargers less proprietary, or sharing some battery tech with the world in the hopes of proliferating electric vehicles. TeslaMondo has repeatedly stated it wants Tesla to lead a large segment instead of a small one. If that requires giving others a piggyback once in a while, so be it. Tesla can “scale up” only so far. The entire segment needs to scale up too.

7. The production Model X will look far better than the prototype.

Transcript here (sloppy as heck, however)

Video here

 

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Yipes! Watch out Tesla! Move over Tesla!

TeslaMondo likes to compile direct warnings from the media, such as “Watch out Tesla.” Obviously there are countless other articles about alleged competition, but if they don’t directly warn Tesla in the headline, they don’t make the cut. The exception in this post occurs way down the list. Anton Wahlman’s piece about Nissan’s electric utility van crushing Model X doesn’t carry a “Watch out Tesla” headline, but his thesis is so incredibly stupid that it simply could not be excluded. Enjoy!

Watch out Tesla, Mercedes

watch out qiantuWatch out Tesla Rivian truck

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Watch out Tesla, Lucid

Aramco's Carbon Capture

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MOVE OVER TESLA DYSONWatch out Tesla Audi amazing

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not so fast tesla

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move over vw

move over tesla Chevy Boltwatch out cadillacWatch out Lucid Air TeslaMondo

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Nissan watch out Teslaimagewatch out FF TeslaMondoScreen Shot 2016-05-25 at 5.47.12 AMScreen Shot 2016-05-18 at 12.58.38 PMScreen Shot 2016-05-03 at 5.43.11 AMScreen Shot 2016-04-20 at 9.43.35 AMCorvetteScreen Shot 2016-03-03 at 8.41.20 AMScreen Shot 2016-02-25 at 8.09.23 AM.pngScreen Shot 2016-02-14 at 9.42.09 AM

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imageScreen Shot 2015-09-20 at 9.32.48 AMScreen Shot 2015-09-20 at 9.32.14 AMScreen Shot 2016-09-05 at 11.35.31 PMScreen Shot 2015-09-20 at 9.31.02 AMWatch out GEScreen Shot 2015-09-04 at 8.20.29 PMwatch out ChinaWatch out DysonWatch out Tesla FrankfrurtScreen Shot 2015-08-20 at 9.19.52 AMScreen Shot 2015-08-19 at 7.01.27 AMScreen Shot 2015-08-19 at 7.06.13 AMScreen Shot 2015-08-19 at 7.08.49 AMwatch out tesla chevy boltimageRenovo TeslaMondoLook out BMW TeslaMondo

Look out Tesla Aston Martin TeslaMondoimageVW TeslaMondoLook out Tesla Audi TeslaMondoLook out 22 VW look out Tesla TeslaMondo Look out 21  Look out tesla Detroit Electric TeslaMondo Watch out K1 Evelio TeslaMondoLook out 20Devani Roadster Watch out TeslaMondo Look out 18 Look out 17

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Black Zombie Mustang TeslaMondoLook out Tesla! Audi! TeslaMondo Watch Out Tesla HydrogenWatch out Tesla Thorium Look out 16 Move ever Tesla RenovoMove over BMW TeslaMondo

Screen Shot 2015-08-21 at 6.42.36 AM Watch out Tesla, Ford solar panel Look out 15 Look out 13Salt Water car TeslaMondo Look out 11Watch out Volvo TeslaMondoWatch Out Tesla Venturi TeslaMondo Look out 12 Look out 10 Look out 9 Look out 8 Look out 7 Look out 6Move Over Tesla Google Move over Elon TeslaMondo Cramer Move Over Tesla TeslaMondo Look out 4 Look out 3 Look out 2 Look out 1Croatia move over TeslaMondoLook out Tesla Nissan van Watch out Tesla GMScreen Shot 2014-06-07 at 10.43.58 AM

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Battery guys know what’s best for Tesla

Gigafactory advice for TeslaDaimler, Bosch, Edmunds — and now battery “experts.” They all know what’s best for Tesla. Daimler and Bosch say Tesla would be better-served by inventing non-proprietary charging stations so others could use them. Edmunds.com, which sells sales leads to auto dealers, says Tesla would be better-served by using auto dealers. And Dow Jones & Co. has issued at least three articles — one in Barron’s and now two in the WSJ — that corral experts for a round of Gigafactory advice.

The tone is always the same: Tesla would be better-served by taking a warm bath and a nap, and then reconsidering this whole factory scheme. It’s too ambitious, said Barron’s. Tesla doesn’t really need such a factory, suggested the WSJ with a question-asking headline last month. And yesterday the WSJ revisited the same trough with another questioning headline, and answered it with another roundtable of hand-wringing industry experts.

Attention, Tesla job-seekers: The company has no openings in the “unsolicited guidance” department. It receives that service for free.

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The press is starting to trip

Screen Shot 2014-04-23 at 6.33.42 PMSpend enough time in a dark, sound-proof anechoic chamber — we’re talking 45 minutes or so — and you’ll start to lose your mind. Starved for sensory experience, your brain commands your ears to turn inward until your body becomes a cacophony. You hear the sound of your forehead muscles moving against your skull. Your neck snaps, crackles and pops whenever you turn your head. You hear your eyeballs squishing as you move them. You might even hallucinate.

Starved for Gigafactory developments, the press is sinking into an altered state. We can see three stages of dementia in action today:

1. Distortion: A former Chrysler facility in Lathrop, CA apparently has become the Gigafactory, based on the number of media outlets covering. Logic and proportion have fallen sloppy dead, as the song goes.

2. Fantasy: Panasonic is a confirmed Gigafactory partner, according to a fat caterpillar of a headline from an editor who most certainly crossed into a Wonderland where hope melts to certainty.

3. Hallucination: Naked people standing on their Teslas in traffic, and with smiley faces for genitals? Man, it’s getting more intense by the hour. But remember what the Dormouse said. Feed your head.

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