The last post, a rhapsody about Tesla cranking out the $35k car, turned out to be premature. The company wasn’t financially ready for that car yet. More than a year later, the “affordable Tesla” is finally edging toward the on-deck circle.
Stuck with a post about an imminent car that wasn’t imminent, TeslaMondo had two choices:
- Modify or delete the post to reflect reality, and then continue writing more articles as if no misstep had happened. That would have been the easy route. Too easy.
- Freeze the site and wait for reality to catch up to the post. Only an utter shmegegge would entertain that option. Perfect!
So TeslaMondo has been quietly observing the game from the bleachers this whole time, watching as Tesla’s dirty opponents, their bookies, their beholden cheering squads and a posse of crooked referees try to disallow a Team Tesla victory in Model 3 and profitability. The default metaphor is “moving the goalposts,” but that doesn’t capture the desperation of these nincompoops. They’ve installed a row of exact-change-only tollbooths at the goal line. And they’ve covered the end zone with a tarp that makes it look like more gridiron to conquer. So a Tesla touchdown, like, totally can’t happen.
- Model 3 backlog is swelling? Tesla has no supply.
- The backlog is shrinking? Tesla has no demand.
- Production hits 2,500k/week? A fluke.
- Production hits 4k/week? Another fluke.
- Tesla becomes profitable in 2018? Another fluke.
- And if this stuff isn’t a fluke? Then the company is doomed.
- Tesla is stealing customers from the Germans? Only until the Germans catch up.
- The Germans aren’t catching up? The Japanese are.
- The Japanese aren’t? The Americans are.
- The Americans aren’t? The Chinese are.
- The Chinese aren’t? The FBI is.
And so Tesla will never get a cheer even in victory, and even on home turf. The crowd is stacked. This is why Musk can employ dirty tactics, such as jolting the stock market to rattle short sellers, without looking like a bully. This isn’t a mere game. It’s a dirty theater of war with no rules of engagement, and everyone knows it.
Let’s check in on TeslaMondo’s cast of characters. It’s been a while.