Tesla’s Master Plan contains dark matter

In a couple months, while everyone fusses about the Model III ramp, the Tesla Semi will rush from the shadows and shock us. Tesla’s vast commercial applications will suddenly tickle the brain more than the bland ol’ Model III ramp.

It’s tempting to say the Semi kicks off the second part of Tesla’s master plan, but the plan never mentions big rigs at all*. It never mentions the Roadster either. Yet we know both are coming. This means the master plan is like Loch Ness. It’s vast and inky. Big things could lurk within. Things as big as a city bus, or a school bus. BYD currently builds the former, and now Blue Bird has a contract for the latter.

What creatures lurk in Tesla’s Loch Ness Master Plan? Paging Mr. Nimoy . . .

Screen Shot 2017-07-13 at 12.43.11 AM

*Bullshit. Read comments below.

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6 thoughts on “Tesla’s Master Plan contains dark matter

  1. An avid reader of the blog says:

    A bus-like creature could very well be making an appearance along with a semi-semi creature, for sure! Or maybe a big boat for the loch? Where have I seen a bus that is also a boat to cross the moat?

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  2. Timmy says:

    I think they should make lots of small batteries. Oh, I mean like AA and AAA form-factors that blow their alkaline forbears out of the loch, for roughly the same price. For some reason, I suspect people would immediately trust the Tesla brand name when it came to batteries.

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  3. geneman7 says:

    Semi comments are present in Master Plan 2: “In addition to consumer vehicles, there are two other types of electric vehicle needed: heavy-duty trucks and high passenger-density urban transport. Both are in the early stages of development at Tesla and should be ready for unveiling next year. We believe the Tesla Semi will deliver a substantial reduction in the cost of cargo transport, while increasing safety and making it really fun to operate.”

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  4. RWF says:

    Geneman, we read it too quickly apparently. The dark matter, then, shifts to the Roadster (unmentioned) and the “high-passenger-density urban transport.” BYD’s bus overtures are not likely to go unanswered by Tesla. This could be the “one more thing” sprung upon us at the Semi unveiling, as hinted by Musk.

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  5. […] TESLA’S MASTER PLAN CONTAINS DARK MATTER […]

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