How Wall Street sees Mars.
Rumor of the day: It’s going public and TSLA shareholders will have first dibs. TeslaMondo touched on this topic years ago. It’s not going to happen.
- Wrong mission: Most investors won’t support a mission to Mars, not even with a resurrected David Bowie as head of marketing. It’s pie in the sky stuff. Steve Jurvetson will support it? We’re not Steve Jurvetson.
- Wrong catalysts: Successes like the recent historic re-launch, and setbacks like the recent Facebook satellite disaster, would make SpaceX’s long-term charts look like stalagmites getting squished in a vice. Don’t think of a rollercoaster. Rollercoasters are curvy.
- Wrong pace: Sometimes nothing will happen for quite a while. If Wall Street is too myopic to handle Tesla sometimes, imagine SpaceX?
- Wrong location: Mars cell phone reception seldom exceeds one bar, and AAA roadside assistance is spotty at best. So documenting a successful arrival, the ultimate payoff for investors, would be almost impossible.
- Wrong subject matter: Accurate SpaceX news would come to us from, um, nobody except SpaceX. Journalists would consult rocket experts from the 1950s, or NASA or Air Force sources who know just enough about modern rocketry to pollute the story with dipshittery. Rocketry is over our heads. Mars is way over our heads. That’s not an attractive investment. We should stick with clean energy and leave Mars for Musk.