Tesla may disrupt pop culture too

Apparently we’re going to learn part II of Tesla’s master plan late today or early tomorrow, following a SpaceX launch. Seems likely that Tesla will outline a plot to remove fossil fuels from personal transport and household power. It’s about time. We’ve been feeling guilty about our mishandling of the earth for quite some time now, as reflected in movies about pollution coming back to bite us, literally.

A few decades ago, a Japanese Smog Monster sucked fumes from smokestacks to make itself bigger and stronger, until Godzilla, born of atomic radiation, killed it using his atomic breath. Everything was “atomic” back then, a reaction to real-world use of atomic bombs. Atomic ants attacked us in Them!. But radiation and related hocus-pocus aren’t all bad. Spider-Man got his powers from a radioactive spider bite. Captain America got his mojo from radiation too. Dr. Bruce Banner was pelted by gamma rays and turned in to The Hulk.

Moving on to “mutants,” we could spend all day cataloging mutant creatures that threatened humanity. Poor sanitation management led to a giant Alligator living in our sewer system. Forest pollution led to a mutant bear in Prophecy. Toxic waste created Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers (C.H.U.D.) More recently, The Host shows us what happens when formaldehyde is dumped into the ocean. You get a big, ugly fish. But even mutation has an upside, like the Ninja Turtles and X-Men. And remember Toxic Avenger? He derived his strength from being tossed into a vat of toxic waste.

Say, weighing the good against the bad, it seems that mishandling the earth, though troubling, is vital to pop culture. Maybe Tesla should be stopped before it ruins not only the dangerous thrill of driving an unconnected car, but also the dangerous thrill of destroying “the ecology.” Remember that term?

So how can we stop Tesla before it’s too late? Send Musk et al on a hiking trip. They’ll never come back. Ozone depletion has made the animals loco enough to attack and eat people willy-nilly. Don’t you remember Day of the Animals? Or we could send them on a wintry expedition to Alaska, where fossil fuel ghosts attack humans as payback for oil drilling. No joke. Haven’t you seen The Last Winter?

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No air pollution means no Smog Monster. That’s no fun!

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