Episode V: Raising the bar

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Telltale injury to a TSLA short. Same injuries reported this morning in corporate offices of many, many auto companies.

Make that three bars. Equal length.

Getting right to the action, what did we learn yesterday, and what is Tesla still holding to the vest?

Demand: It’s stronger than many anticipated. TeslaMondo, however, had it right when it wrote, “The stage is set for too many orders.” And this is DESPITE CHEAP GAS.

“Won’t look like other cars”: That’s what Musk told us a while back. It’s true enough. The design could be dubbed CVF, or “Cab Very Forward,” made possible by firewall manipulation, which in turn was made possible by the extreme unlikelihood of an engine fire. The result is copious room in the rear. The Bubbilicious greenhouse has panoramic rear glass akin to Model X’s panoramic front glass. Overall, it seems Tesla resisted the temptation to build a super-aggressive but impractical vehicle. Instead, it’s athletic enough while offering good visibility and spaciousness. At this point, Tesla has enough street cred that it doesn’t need to shove “aggressive” down our throats. Everyone knows Teslas haul ass. Also notable: The ICE masquerade is over. No more fake grilles for Tesla. This means no nose or mouth. Just eyes. This will take some getting used to. But hey, we’re witnessing the evolution of the automobile. Some double-takes are expected.

Next-generation technology: No mention.

Geographical reach: It’s going to ship to India, among other nations. TeslaMondo has said India seems ripe for Tesla, though India does have some infrastructure issues. Most notably, the total lack of an infrastructure.

User interface: No instrument cluster, which means no “lumpy” dashboard to look over. Forward visibility benefits. The top left corner of the touch screen (15-inch landscape) shows speedometer and other vitals. LG is a new glass supplier, according to this morning’s rumors. Looking past the steering wheel into darkness, without those trusty instruments acting as night lights, may seem strange at first. But it’s not new. Anyone remember the Toyota Echo (pictured)?Screen Shot 2016-04-01 at 1.15.53 PM

Powertrain options: Rear drive and dual motor, according to a Tesla engineer who conducted a Periscoped test drive. Musk said nothing about this before making a sudden Exit Stage Left. Was this engineer supposed to let that info slip?

Range, Safety, Performance: At least 215 miles, at least five stars in all categories, and at most six seconds to 60 mph.

Market response: TSLA is moving violently upward as TeslaMondo goes to press. Remember, short people got no reason to live.

Further reading:

Episode I: The Impostor
Episode II: We Build, We Fight
Episode III: Tesla Energy is Born
Episode IV: Winged Assassins

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Let’s revisit the gallery of guesswork about what Model III would look like. Was anyone even close?

5 thoughts on “Episode V: Raising the bar

  1. Evjuice says:

    Wow what a ride! Driver told us ous was the all wheel drive. It felt much faster than 6 sec 0-60! Dash is crazy non existent. So low it was like a Disney ride vehicle. No binical cluster. Was told by a designer Elon believes this is the future. Autopilot driving means you don’t need a cluster. Just the big screen like the Model S. Most of the outside is baby Tesla MS but the front is a Roadster / Porsche lovechild.

    Door handles are NOT the ones that look like the S’s

    $$ people are buying 2 and three cars for friends and family. On the other side people who only have owned sub$25k cars are jumping in just like many MS buyers were sub $50k car buyers.

    Camry? Malibu? Bolt? A4? BMW3? Dare I say, Prius? Tesla will drink their milkshake.

    Like

  2. […] EPISODE V: RAISING THE BAR […]

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  3. Kacey Green says:

    the rendering that rotated when Musk said safety was a dual motor design

    Like

  4. mark80908 says:

    Nice to see the Echo. I drove an Echo for 14 years then replaced it with a Model S. Driving at night was eerie when you couldn’t see your hands on the wheel. Got used to it.

    Like

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