Fewer angels dancing on pin

P90D eating Hellcat

Latest drag race suggests adequate power.

Tesla is tinkering with its published hp figures — bowing to critics who’ve challenged the old figures. It’s irrelevant to real-world performance, of course, but the real world isn’t where car buyers dwell. They live in a land where:

  • Your electric vehicle with 250 miles of range might struggle to get you through a day of driving.
  • Your Subaru could end up splashing through a stream in the middle of the forest, like on TV.
  • Ditto your $100k Land Rover.
  • Your Jeep will end up perched atop the Rocky Mountains at sunset.
  • Your Silverado will one day have hay bales in the bed and pretty horsies trotting all around.
  • Your Benz will soon be called upon to pass a tractor-trailer on a twisty mountain road, with sleeping children in your back seat.
  • Your Scion will get you some cool city friends, and at least one of them will sport a killer afro.
  • Your drive to work could detour to the Bonneville Salt Flats, where your Nissan Maxima might have to do a 100-ft power slide in slow motion.

So yes, this drop in Tesla hp could affect business, because this ain’t no ordinary business. This is la-la land. Watch for complaints that Teslas suddenly feel slower. This new video of a P90D croaking a Hellcat? Must be rigged.

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4 thoughts on “Fewer angels dancing on pin

  1. M.H. Kane says:

    Haters make mountains out of mole-hills because they think it’s easier than : accepting that their entire life is a series of poor choices … like shorting or trying to pump and dump 😛

    Like

  2. Brian P. says:

    Yeah! Them Teslas are slow. All of ’em! Actually, wait, that’s none of them.

    Like

  3. […] Via Teslamondo, here are the new, reduced hp ratings: […]

    Like

  4. Fawn says:

    I couldn’t refrain from commenting. Exceptionally well
    written!

    Like

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