“Not a car” is not a mystery

"Not a car" product reveal, TeslaMondoBefore Tesla announced where it would build the Gigafactory, it had already broken ground in Nevada. See, Tesla had craftily diverted our attention while hiding the Gigafactory (dubbed Project Tiger) in plain sight. We assumed Tesla was still pondering bids and preparing an announcement, yet bulldozers had already begun moving dirt.

Well this time we’re a little smarter. Yes, even though Elon says we have to wait a month to find out what this new “not a car” product will be, there’s no need to fall for this ruse. The answer is right under our noses.

It’s a new line of pet food. Derrrr . . .

But seriously, everyone knows it’s the home battery that will end up comprising some 30 percent of Gigafactory output and will allow homes and businesses — solar ones in particular — to become power “islands” with little or no need for grid electricity, even during long stretches without much sun. It also shuts up the complainers who say Tesla is merely pushing carbon pollution upstream, from consumption to production. Soon the stream will start on your roof and end in your car — with a snazzy-looking* wall-mounted battery midstream.

TeslaMondo hopes JB Straubel will lead the unveiling. Not because Elon is a chump, but because JB is THE MAN when it comes to battery technology, and besides, he’s going to take the reins when Elon steps down as CEO. Who says? Nobody, but it seems inevitable.

* The “not a car” is getting unveiled at Tesla’s design studio. You know it’s not going to look like a mere graham cracker.


One thought on ““Not a car” is not a mystery

  1. BEP says:

    I also would like to see Jay-Bee holding this unveiling.


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