Autopilot will make Tesla shagadelic

Model X obscene plate, TeslaMondoAutonomous driving frees up the hands, and idle hands are the devil’s workshop. That’s a joke from a few posts ago, but it’s no joke. Sex While Driving is a common phenomenon, according to a couple of recent studies. This one revealed that roughly 11 percent of adults have engaged in SWD. This one revealed that about 16 percent of Midwestern college students have done it, at an average speed of 61-80 mph.*

The Midwest has long stretches of relatively straight and sparsely-populated roads, so one can imagine it’s relatively easy to multi-task. But autopilot will greatly expand the geographic zone of opportunity for SWD. And as autopilot graduates to full autonomy, look out. It will enable total immersion in other activities with complete trust in the car’s self-piloting. Studies suggest autonomous cars will be far LESS likely to crash. So Tesla will not have blood on its hands. Nope, not blood. This is an unnecessarily salacious topic, you say? It may seem that way today, but TeslaMondo foresees a lot more conversation about SWD in coming years, as self-driving technology enables boredom-solving activity in moving vehicles.

It used to be easy, you know. Horse buggies were very SWD-friendly. You could put the horse on autopilot and make use of the enclosed carriage. The horse knew the way home. Tesla’s imminent autopilot system will replicate that horse. See the irony here? The most advanced cars of this generation will finally replicate the horse buggy, enabling alternative use of the mind and body whilst in a moving vehicle. Tesla has already established itself as a sex-positive company with its erotic nomenclature. Autopilot will consummate that association, making Tesla the de facto kings of automotive shagadelia.Austin Powers TeslaMondo

Mind you: The second and third rows of the Model X will fold flat. Long highway trip? Arrive at your destination in a fully autonomous Model X feeling completely satisfied, with a clear head, right on time, and with newfound fondness for your traveling companion. You’ll just need a mannequin to sit in the driver’s seat for a while. The Model X will attract attention even with a driver. Imagine one without.

* Average vehicle speed, that is.

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