Hold on to your nuts

Tesla earnings likely to cause turbulence“Ladies and gentlemen, the captain has turned on the fasten seatbelt sign. We are now crossing a zone of turbulence, and this will probably continue well after the earnings announcement this afternoon. Please return to your seat and keep your seatbelt fastened. As always when leading up to earnings, look for articles about other articles. This is a sign that nobody knows what to look for except articles about what to look for. Speculation runs rampant as journalists quote each other’s speculation. What are we likely to hear from Tesla? The ‘widely expected’ announcements. Those are the announcements that were merely ‘possible’ until they were upgraded to ‘expected.’ When the number of expecters reached two, well then, the expectation went double-wide indeed, making it ‘widely expected.’ Positive surprises will have a positive effect on the share price; negative ones will have a negative effect. That’s according to analysts, who say Tesla shares are REALLY worth somewhere between $14 and $320. Please refrain from using the lavatories, but feel free to use the bag in your seatback pocket if this becomes too much.”

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