That whining sound, in stereo

Mercedes boss Steve CannonBenz boss is indeed S-Class*

When an auto CEO takes time to tell the press all about Tesla’s alleged shortcomings, it means (choose one):

1. He’s worried about Tesla’s future.

2. He’s worried about his own.

The newbie Tesla Model S outsold the S-Class last year. Considering the S-Class has been the Benz flagship for the past 50 years, this qualifies as an upset, in every shade of the word. Mercedes CEO Steve Cannon is understandably upset about losing his high-end sedan crown, even to an extended family member. Tesla and Mercedes are indeed cousins, you know, what with Mercedes parent Daimler owning about four percent of Tesla and paying for Tesla innards for its B-Class EV.

But let’s not bash Cannon for talking trash about a relative, suggesting it has “limited potential.” We’ve all done it. In fact, “limited potential” describes an entire side of my extended family. Let’s bash him instead for eagerly aligning with the old school in a business suddenly awakening to a new school. Or let’s not bash him at all. He just bashed himself with great skill by revealing his own limited potential.

Mercedes boss Steve CannonSerial lemon squeezers crying over wrist slap

Tesla suer Robert Montgomery and his mascot Vince Megna have quickly gone from viral video antagonists to blubbering infants after Tesla pointed out the dynamic duo pursued a lemon case with Volvo and may have tampered with their allegedly faulty Tesla. Now Megna is calling Tesla a bully and is offering to settle for the price of the Model S and lawyer fees, which presumbly include the cost of Megna’s video campaign. So Tesla now has the terrific opportunity to pay for its own lampooning. The offer is good through the end of April 22, assuming it can be construed as “good” at all.

* “S” for scared.

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